Skip to main content

You've Won the [insert adjective + company's name here] Lottery/Sweepstakes (they're the same, right?)

Cross Posted from OLF (9/24/09):

It's hard to enjoy the "after" of having completed, and passed, the CFP examination when it seems everyone around you is falling prey to the most ridiculous scams. It's even worse when said person is emailing you from a retirement home, who can't talk on the phone due to hearing problems, and who is utterly convinced that he has won that Microsoft-Yahoo Lottery Sweepstakes (and yes, for everyone who won, I already called to confirm...it doesn't exist...remember that episode of Reno 911?), and who is sending gods-know-who in the U.K. $50 a month to keep his "parcel" from being shipped back to gods-know-where in Africa.

But, I don't want to dwell on the negatives.

I post the following in the hopes that others might be saved from the evils of hobbit trickery:

Hobbit 419

Dear MR BAGGINS, Fellow Conspirator,

I am Thorin Oakenshield, descendant of Thrain the Old and grandson of Thror who was King under the Mountain. I am writing you to discuss our plans, our ways, means, policy and devices for rescuing our treasure from the dragon Smaug.

During the reign of Thror our kingdom was a prosperous one. Kings used to send for our smiths, and reward even the least skillful most richly. Fathers would beg us to take their sons as apprentices, and pay us handsomely, especially in food-supplies, which we never bothered to grow or find for ourselves. Altogether those were good days for us, and the poorest of us had money to spend and to lend, and leisure to make beautiful things just for the fun of it, not to speak of the most marvellous and magical toys, the like of which is not to be found in the world now-a-days.

Undoubtedly that was what brought the dragon. Dragons steal gold and jewels from men and elves and dwarves, wherever they can find them; and they guard their plunder as long as they live (which is practically for ever, unless they are killed), and never enjoy a brass ring of it. There was a most specially greedy, strong and wicked worm called Smaug. One day he flew up into the air and came south. The dragon settled on our mountain in a spout of flame and routed out all the halls, and lanes, and tunnels, alleys, cellars, mansions and passages. After there were no dwarves left alive inside the mountain he took all their wealth for himself.

In view of this, I received your contact through a friend and counselor, an ingenious wizard, who noted you as a Burglar who wants a good job, plenty of Excitement and reasonable Reward. And I and my twelve companions have agreed to give you 10% of the total gold and jewels that the dragon Smaug now rests upon if you can join us on our long journey. When you have agreed please tell us the place where you dwell and send one hundred pence so that we might travel to you.

Please hold what I have told you in strict confidence and I look forward to your earliest response.

THORIN OAKENSHIELD

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

: . : ::. . . . ........::;. : ; ; .........................

Hmm.... I'm considering applying for the Honors Thesis program. It's a year long (2 semester) program for seniors. It's basically just another class in one's schedule, except you meet with your faculty advisor (of whom you choose), read a lot, and write a lot. Requirements: 3.7 major gpa, 3.5 career gpa and all pre-requisites finished. Surprisingly, I'm elligible. (I just have to *stay* elligible at this point). However, this would mean foregoing Japan. I won't know about my Japan app for a while, but the more I bury myself in the work of two highly esteemed professors, the more I'd like to attempt an honors thesis with either of them. (And, i'd be done with my major, giving me the time to devote to such a feat). If I don't get into the Japanese Program (40-50% chance) I will definitely apply for the Honors. Other than that, I'm trying to adjust to 6 hour class days, and the 3 hours of reading that follows class. Thank god I have monday and...

The Start of Summer

And the start of many goals: #1: Hike all 150 miles of the Lassen National Park trails (and log all the geocaches!) #2: Finish CLU certification (even if it means bringing textbooks hiking) #3: Perfect baking skills #4: Be the board

Summing the Year Up

My contribution to the annual, office newsletter, cross-posted from my financial/work interpretation-of-the-world blog : Ordinary Lang uage Finance . Even in America, the land of the second chance, and of transcendentalist redeemers, the paradox inevitably arises: you cannot change the world (for example, a state of marriage [or conversely: an economy]) until the people in it change, and the people cannot change until the world changes. - Stanley Cavell I hadn't seen this passage since the middle-years of college (if you remember those days too, it was a different time back then--long before I personally came to an inkling's understanding of the power of tragedy, and the subsequent flow of change). During those shattering years, I questioned the purpose of many practices and sites of genius. I wondered why so many studied the tragic Greek plays, the tragic writings of Kafka, or the tragic films; I wondered why people didn't focus solely on the works of those who burned br...