I feel unhinged.
With all these classes, and all this reading, I'm finding it very hard to get in a groove (as ironic as that is, for the truth is that i'm in a rut! ). What I mean to say, is that despite this constant workload of mine, I feel very uneasy about the whole situation.
I won't hear from the Japan program for another month or so, and even if I get accepted, will I go? It all depends...on what I can't be sure yet.
1 of my roommates is graduating this semester; another will try to find alternative housing. That means I'll have to look for housing either in the Summer or next Winter.
I don't even want to look ahead more than a year from now, I'm barely getting by with questions such as, "Will I be able to understand this week's chapter of 'The Claim of Reason'?"
Last semester one of my classes dealt with the theories of Delueze & Guattari: Lines of flight, continuous movement, choas to home to chaos. I felt at home (as strange as that can be) then...always moving. But looking back, I feel like that whole last year (since summer) has been a tiny blip on the radar, and now I'm disjointed with myself. Rather than starting from chaos *to* home and then back to chaos (then hopefully to home again), i'm now without momentum--so to speak--I'm starting fresh. Just from chaos.
I read an article in Time magazine about 2 weeks ago. A journalist took Ritalin for a week as a self study. He said he woke up with panic attacks, was often jittery throughout the day...but the one good thing that came from it was a sense of "knowing that I could accomplish everything I had set out to do, and not worrying."
Despite the fact that he said his work was often worse than usual, I wish I could have that feeling.
Maybe I just need Lexapro.....haha
With all these classes, and all this reading, I'm finding it very hard to get in a groove (as ironic as that is, for the truth is that i'm in a rut! ). What I mean to say, is that despite this constant workload of mine, I feel very uneasy about the whole situation.
I won't hear from the Japan program for another month or so, and even if I get accepted, will I go? It all depends...on what I can't be sure yet.
1 of my roommates is graduating this semester; another will try to find alternative housing. That means I'll have to look for housing either in the Summer or next Winter.
I don't even want to look ahead more than a year from now, I'm barely getting by with questions such as, "Will I be able to understand this week's chapter of 'The Claim of Reason'?"
Last semester one of my classes dealt with the theories of Delueze & Guattari: Lines of flight, continuous movement, choas to home to chaos. I felt at home (as strange as that can be) then...always moving. But looking back, I feel like that whole last year (since summer) has been a tiny blip on the radar, and now I'm disjointed with myself. Rather than starting from chaos *to* home and then back to chaos (then hopefully to home again), i'm now without momentum--so to speak--I'm starting fresh. Just from chaos.
I read an article in Time magazine about 2 weeks ago. A journalist took Ritalin for a week as a self study. He said he woke up with panic attacks, was often jittery throughout the day...but the one good thing that came from it was a sense of "knowing that I could accomplish everything I had set out to do, and not worrying."
Despite the fact that he said his work was often worse than usual, I wish I could have that feeling.
Maybe I just need Lexapro.....haha
whoa update.
ReplyDeletesigh...i dunno man. i feel like i didn't really think about why i wanted to study abroad. yeah, i always wanted to see europe, but i don't know if that reason was really enough for me. don't get me wrong, it is pretty cool to say that you're studying out of the country, and i do love seeing the sites, but i feel like this could have waited? shrug. but maybe this is also the homesickness talking. i wish i could hear more/understand more about your classes. but yeah...hook it up with the lexapro.